Give them roots and let them spread their wings!

I just boarded a plane headed to Omaha, Nebraska. How did this happen... I was raised in Lafayette, Louisiana... I've never even been to Nebraska and now we're sending out sweet son for 4 years of college in this cold Midwestern state. Evidence that God is in control and the plans for his life are bigger and better than anything I could orchestrate. 

Lewis is ready. He's packed. We got the car ready and ran him through a car wash of dr spot (dentist, allergy dr, pediatrician), one last tutoring session and voice lesson. New shoes. New clothes. Haircut. New computer. Many trips to Target and Bed Bath and Beyond for bedding and towels and organizers. Surely we've gotten everything a tiny little dorm room can hold. 

But more than all of the packing and planning... He's ready! Ready to spread his wings. Ready to meet new people, and live on his own and start a whole new adventure. 

He's got a strong foundation- he's trustworthy and responsible and wise with his decisions. He's polite and thoughtful and mature. 

He's overcome many difficult times in his short life-and grown through it all (Praise God for trials that build character and help him to see where his gifts are... ). He's excited about what lies ahead and he's so ready to get started. 

I've been kicking and screaming to hold on.. But I'm so happy for him that I can't help but celebrate sending him off! I always say- these are the days we'll remember all our lives and I know I will always remember this day! 

I love you. I know!

Last night, Christopher came down to find me in the office watching his video I made for him for Graduation. As the baby picture scrolled across the screen, I reached over to grab his hand. I squeezed tight and said, "Oh, I'm going to miss you!" ... "I know" he said. And then the tears came.

This sweet boy of mine has been telling me this all his life. When he was very little, I would say- "Christopher, mommy loves you soooo much... and he would respond - "I know mommy!" Instead of the obligatory response.. I love you too.. he said what was in his heart. yes, mommy.. I know you love me! and I loved it. I loved having that constant affirmation. He knows he is loved!

As he got older, we had a bed time routine of reading books together, saying prayers and singing bedtime songs and then I would ALWAYS tell him, Christopher, I am so thankful God chose me to be your mom. You are the best boy and I love you so much... just the way you are.. no matter what. ... again.. he would reply- I know mommy.

As time went on, the bedtime routine literally shifted to him singing me his favorite songs and him telling me stories about the day or something he had read about. I would tell him what I always told him and at this point I added.. we are so proud of you Christopher. he would reply.. I know.

We knew early on that Christopher was very literal. He has always thought in black and white terms. Concrete facts. For this reason, he has never told a lie to us. He simply isn't capable of not telling the truth about things. Things are are they aren't in his mind. Understanding this about him at an early age was critical. It also scared me. How would he understand about his Heavenly Father? How would we teach him about God's love for him? What concrete evidence would we have to prove this to him? We brought him to church. We prayed for and with him. We brought him to youth group and eventually put him in a Christian school. We talked about God with him regularly. Christopher had a very creative mind and much of his childhood we spent most of our time talking about his characters great adventures and bringing legos and stuffed animals to life on wonderful journeys. I prayed that as time went on, he would begin to understand the difference between these "stories" and the stories I was telling him about Jesus. Even simple transitions like Santa and the Easter Bunny were very difficult discussions with him. I feared that he would connect these "lies" about stories we had told him to the stories we were telling him about Jesus. (ye of little faith! God is not a story.. He is our living HOPE! God wasn't just at work in Christopher's life.. He's been at work in all of our life!)

When we hit middle school, life became pretty difficult for Christopher and he struggled with bullying, a lack of friends and feelings of not being accepted. He withdrew which lead to loneliness and despair from all of us. This also made our discussions about God more challenging. This God that you keep telling me about wants me to feel this way? This God is allowing these mean things to happen to me? Hard conversations to have at this age.  We even had an incident where we had to rush Christopher to the ER for a nut allergy incident and as we raced to the car, he was screaming at me ... you keep telling me God has a plan for me.. is this His plan? He was listening.. but it was hard.

It is only now that I can look back and know that in our darkest hours, God was pulling us even closer to Him and reminding us that He is our light, He is our way, He is always with us. He is never leaving us. He beckoned us to him to discard what the world was saying and trust in Him.

Somewhere along the way, God put it in my heart to use music that Christopher loved so much to reach him. At that time, he especially loved Rascal Flatts. I think it was the Cars movie and "Life is a Highway" that started it. He later grew to love their hit - "My wish" and even sang it in a Talent show at school. I told him that as he listened to the lyrics to know that this is God's song to him.... these are God's wishes for your life....

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you live,I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,And you help somebody every chance you get,Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

Later, during some of these dark times for Chris, I stumbled on another Rascal Flatts song - I Won't Let Go. I so remember crying with him as we listened to this song and I told him again... God is using Rascal Flatts to sing a song to you. This is His song to you:

It's like a storm (the world, our circumstances)That cuts a pathIt's breaks your willIt feels like that
You think your lostBut your not lost on your ownYour not alone
I will stand by youI will help you throughWhen you've done all you can doIf you can't copeI will dry your eyesI will fight your fightI will hold you tightAnd I wont let go

We continued to talk about God and faith. I continued to pray for Christopher and on many days I literally begged God to help him to see that he was loved and to feel that love. God was at work in Christopher's life and was putting so many people around him who were loving on him, opening new doors for him and slowly we were seeing our precious son begin to thrive. His love of music grew in the choir and band. His quiet gifts were put to work in the theater arts group and at church where he felt needed and accepted. His love for writing was nurtured by family and at school and all around him were people speaking Truth into his life and praying for and with him. 

This past January, Christopher attended the Passion conference along with thousands of other teens around the country. On one of these nights, I received a text at 11 pm from him. ... " i am sitting here with the music around me and I feel peace. I know that God is in this place." My son who hates crowds and hates loud places.. was sitting in a huge convention center with thousands of other kids ... and he felt the presence of God! Oh Lord.. answered prayer! Here it was, concrete evidence for him. Black and white. It is or isn't... and yes, it is! God knew that Christopher needed to have his own relationship with Him. He would find a way. 

Now here we are.. Me: I love you;  Christopher: I know.  God: Christopher Lewis, You are my child. I love you. I will never leave you. I have plans for you life.  Christopher: I know. Praise you Lord! 

Friends for Life

I knew that Christopher's Graduation would be tough for me. I knew I would be emotional and reflective and holding on tight. I planned and organized the party. I ordered invitations and food and decorated the house. I stayed up late nights looking through baby pictures and wondering where all the time went. One thing I didn't take time to think about was how Catherine would be dealing with her big brother leaving.

These two have had a special relationship from the beginning. They love each other so much. Because we lived away from family and moved ALOT when they were little, they formed a special bond. Christopher was so imaginative as a child. Legos became spaceships and animals and superheros and Catherine was mesmerized watching her brother build and bring these toys to life. Later as they grew side by side, Catherine developed a deep spirit of looking out for Chris. She always had a concern for how he was feeling and never wanted him to be unhappy or hurt in any way.

As we were down to the last few planning steps for Christopher's party, Catherine told me she wanted to make a video for him and already knew exactly the song she wanted on it. This video touched Christopher so much. He's asked me to give him a copy to bring to college and the picture of he and his "little" sis is one of the few framed pictures he will have with him at the dorm

Hearing God's Voice ..... on the golf course!

I'm sitting here on the golf course with Jon watching Catherine practice for her round at the TAPPS State golf competition. It's pretty surreal to actually be here. I remember when she started golf at 7 and 8 years old at the WJGA. She was so little. Of course a cute pink golf shirt and a white bow for her hair was a must. I would laugh and tell her - no matter how you play.. you look Great!

She would spend 2 hours getting through her 2 hole round and we would cheer her on like it was the PGA. We went through all the stages of moving up to 3 hole and then 6 and 9 and finally 18.

We couldn't help but love all the beautiful trees on the course and of course no that they would be great climbing trees!

When we look back at pictures we will see a smiling cute little golfer.. but her journey in learning to play was not all fun. She was painfully shy and getting paired up on the course to walk alongside an unknown partner brought on much anxiety. She learned to loosen up and make some small talk between holes eventually.. but it wasn't easy. More than anything, she hated playing poorly and when her shots would go sailing into the water or skipping off to the right deep into the trees - we would see the bouncy smile disappear and sad little tears come streaming down her sunburned freckled face. As she fought back the tears carrying her bag from hole to hole, we often had to helplessly watch from the cart without a word. The lineup of carts at each hole with on-looking parents was often all that she could handle as she pushed ahead from one bad shot to the next. We wanted to tell her that it would all be fine. We wanted to say- time out-- we need to talk to her for a minute.. but golf doesn't really allow for that.. .it's structured and requires etiquette and manners and composure. It doesn't allow a breakdown in the middle of the fairway. It doesn't allow you to pick up your clubs and take a break. Golfers are in front of you and behind you and regardless of how you hit.. you must move forward. And Thank God for that.

God has literally used golf in Catherine's life to show her so many things He wanted her to know. He wanted her to know that it is a blessing to be healthy and have the opportunity to be on a beautiful green golf course. He wanted her to know that just as He love her, having her dad cherishing every minute with her is a gift she will treasure all her days. He wanted her to know that the game of golf mirrors life -- it is challenging and it always will be. It is in the challenging moments that you dig deep and persevere. You quiet yourself and focus. You remind yourself that one hole does not determine your score or your ability.

Jon (Coach) excited to be heading out for the practice round.

Unlike the other sports Catherine has played, golf has uniquely challenged her against herself. The past 2 days, I have watched my now big grown up girl take notes on yardage and Par and where to place her drives. I watched her confidently join a new group for the practice and competition rounds and effortlessly join in. I've watched her have some great holes and some challenging holes and still get in the cart with a smile. At the end of the round - she said, I played well. I'm proud of myself. Ah! Thank you Lord! You did it! you used hours and hours on a golf course to help her see what You see. Not sure what the future of golf looks like - but absolutely sure we will remember all of the time on the course and know that it made all the difference.

I'm going to miss this! Getting ready to let go..

From the moment you know you are pregnant, Everyone  tells you to cherish the days because they go by fast. From where I sit right now - Fast - was lightening speed. This is it. He's graduating and he's leaving home. He's not just going across town or an hour away - he's flying far away to start this new college chapter of his life.  I feel like I'm in a movie and we keep flashing back from the past to the present. I replay the moment they put him in my arms after 28 hours of labor and an emergency c-section. That day. That moment where I finally held him in my arms. He had my heart right there. Then came big hugs and kisses and snuggling up for Elmo movies and Buzz Lightyear. Night after night of goodnight moon and singing him to sleep. Arms held up - "hold you mommy!".. And "I love you mommy!" Then, one phase after another-- Thomas the train, rescue heroes, frogs and endless Legos! This sweet boy of mine! 

Christopher Lewis who played quietly for hours but could tell stories of characters and imaginary worlds as long as I would listen. This boy who grew to love books and music and drawing and writing. This curious, imaginative, sensitive boy who grew to love theatre and learned every word of the soundtracks for the plays we saw together. This boy who only ate about 3 foods and is now an official foodie who loves cooking and food despite his many food allergies! 

We had play-doh days that went on for hours, bike rides to the park, our famous midnight swims! so many lazy days with pancakes at noon and cross country family vacations driving all together with license plate games, marathon board game nights, movies and lots and lots of laughter!

Christopher Lewis... First child, a son! These two who love skiing together, and steak nights, and listening to loud music together and goofy days in the pool and mean Monopoly competition and endless cards and scrabble games. 




Christopher Lewis... Catherine's big brother! The best part. No greater joy have we had than seeing his love for her and her love for him. Pure. Honest. Unbreakable.

I've loved every minute of the journey and seeing his story unfold. I think how God must have been smiling on me saying.. Just wait.. It's only going to get better .. And it did. Lunch dates over happy meals turned into Friday night mother /son dates over sushi or coffee runs and lately cooking together. (Heaven on earth!) talking about books and travel and this and that.. But the best has been long late night talks about what matters... Jesus and our purpose and opining about all the worldly topics. 

I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss him. 

Our conversations changed from - time for a bath, let's pick up your toys, we need to do our homework.. To "buckle up, you need to shave, lers get your tux for prom..."... Blink of an eye. 

Wicked (Spring 2014)

(College Visit to UL - May 2015)

 I'm so ecstatically happy for him and  praising Jesus for carrying him through and protecting him ... But I'm going to miss this.. All of it! He will come home.. But this part is over. How many nights I've been so exhausted I could barely think, but I ran up those stairs to say goodnight and then ended up laying on his bed and talking till midnight:) or spontaneously running over to Barnes and Noble for coffee and books or having him play his latest Spotify finds for me. 

I have truly loved every minute!! I'm so grateful and blessed that God nudged me through every season of it- to be present. Stay right there and take it all in. 

New York (November 2015)